your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
