Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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