i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
