It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
whose parrot is this?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
