Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
