it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
