It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
