It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
