can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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