You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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