its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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