I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
