I molested 6 butterflies tonight
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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