At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
