This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
