she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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