i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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