i just had sex bonerless
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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