i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
