We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
