We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
