Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
