either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize