Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
