It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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