legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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