he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
