I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
