you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
