haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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