Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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