Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
