Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
