I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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