True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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