omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
