So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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