Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
