so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
