im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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