So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He did a backflip because drugs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
