finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
