i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
