i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Im part way to drunk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
