I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
