Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
