You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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