wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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