Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
