Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
