they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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