every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
